the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
worst night to have a conscience
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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