If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
