I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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