Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
