Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
