I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
