peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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