Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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