Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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