the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
