Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
