I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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