so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
