omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
