Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
