before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize