I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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