I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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