Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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