i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His hands were made for my vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
