Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize