I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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