I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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