If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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