Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
