Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
