I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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