forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
only if we run a train.
done.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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