There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
