I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize