Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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