I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
