but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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