Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
