Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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