just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
