there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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