Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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