just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
