Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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