im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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