sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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