Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
3 2 1 whiskey
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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