I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
