Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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