I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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