I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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