I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
