After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
