Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My cat gives me a boner
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
