So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
