Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize