Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
