Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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