Im at strip club and am horny
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
