Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
