her vagine was all disorganized.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
