apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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