the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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