We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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