then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize