if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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