Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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