I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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