just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
